Picture this: It’s Friday. You just made it to the front of the absurdly long lunch line. You just got yourself a slice of mediocre, soggy pizza. Suddenly, the lunch lady plops down a hot pile of corn on your tray, sending tidal waves of corn water all over your pizza. Your tray is covered in corn water. You’re covered in corn water. You walk out of the lunch line, dripping in disgusting corn viscous. This is the typical day-to-day cycle of a Freehold High School student. Why does this happen? And what can we do to stop this?

There’s a very simple science to explain this phenomenon. According to the genetic makeup of a cob of corn, we can observe that corn is made up of approximately 100% of corn and approximately 0% of water. Where does the water come from? Who knows? We really have no idea.

“I really have no idea,” says local corn eater and water hater, Jimothy. “But I know that we need to ban together and stop this. Before it gets out of hand.”

This is an open letter to anyone involved. Please, answer this plea. For the good of the student body. Why is there water in the corn?